Sunday Funday

Oh how the definition of “Sunday Funday” has changed for me over the years. In college and up until 2011, Sunday was a day of recovering from whatever mayhem took place on Friday, and Saturday night. After 2011 until around 2014, it would most likely involve flying home from visiting a guy I was seeing at the time, or day drinking with my friends while watching football. Over my more recent years, it is simply a day of getting ready for the week ahead.

I don’t have very many bad days, but if I do it most always falls on a Sunday. To be fair, I spend a decent amount of time alone, and truth be told, I actually have fun. I have often said to God, “Just because you see me down here having so much fun, please don’t think it means you don’t have to send me a man!” I am ridiculous LOL; so what is it about Sunday? Sunday is the slowest day of the week for me. I am NOT at a place in my life where consecutive slow days suit me well. I typically run a million miles a day. My days are filled with work, working out, the blog, traveling, and errands amongst other things. I see Sunday as the perfect day to spend with a significant other, or a “family.” It would be nice to sit on my back deck, and have a glass of wine with a handsome man hahaha. Doing this alone just seems, well… depressing. I don’t like to harp on things I don’t have, and prefer to focus on what I do have. A state of gratitude is the best way to conquer a bad day, or time period in your life. As difficult as it can be, I am grateful for the time in my life where things started to slow down because I truly burned the candle at both ends for years. Moving so fast for years on end allowed me to ignore everything.

I want to use last Sunday as an example here. Recently, my good friend Naiyma asked me what my life dream was. I will touch on that later, but in regards to the blog, it is to help women navigate through the messy parts of life. I remember my mom saying to me, “Reen life is not a bed of roses.” I asked her why. She said, “I don’t know, but it’s not…” See that is the thing about life, while it is a beautiful gift, there are always parts that will be challenging. The tough times and bad days are inevitable. I truly wish I could take all of your pain away, but I can’t, so the only option is for me to show you how I make it through my own mess.

Okay, so back to last Sunday. When I wake up in the morning I literally “pop” out of bed. I kid you not, I say out loud,“Thank you God for letting me live another day!” I am nuts haha. It’s rare I don’t wake up with energy and positivity. I think just waking up in a state of thanksgiving has lead to much joy in my life. I am however human, and very much flawed. Last Sunday I woke up ok, but as the day progressed, I felt sad. I walked my development, which let me tell you is a recipe for disaster if you are single, and want a family hahaha. The entire neighborhood is families. If you have ever watched the movie, “Now And Then,” or something similar you can understand. I always joke around, and say “This neighborhood is so perfect, it creeps me out.” The perfect little families, with the perfect lawns, and we all wave to each other constantly, and say hello. I’m like“Heyyyy, just the creepy single girl here, who doesn’t even have a dog because I’m rarely home and it would probably die.” Hahaha. Anytime I have a negative thought that leads me in a bad direction I always refer to it as the “devil.” Call it what you will, but you all know what I am talking about. One negative thought can lead you down the rabbit hole. Here I was walking the land of perfection, and I began harping on the fact that I am very much alone. I was in the midst of one of the inevitable tough days that must be conquered. There were a few things I needed to get done on this day. I had to go to the gym, finish the blog, and go to church. When I feel down the first thing I do is plan out my entire day. I cannot be home. Part of my problem is I cannot sit still and relax. I can barely do it on a good day, let alone a bad day. I have a list of things I have to do before letting the sadness kick in. The list says: Pray, workout, find something to laugh about, or text someone who will make you laugh, make a list of everything you are thankful for. This is my list, and I encourage you to make your own. Make it on a day you are happy!!

After I finished my walk, and went back and forth a million times on which mass to go to, and when to blog etc. I hopped in my car determined to get out of my own head. On my drive, I started thinking about navigating through my own messy mind. I did what I normally do, I offered up my pain. What does this mean? Well it’s a Catholic thing… I think LOL. Most of all my wisdom, along with my mental, and emotional toughness comes from my mom. My dad may appear to be the stronger of the two, but my mom is a freaking bad ass. I only wish I listened to her earlier in life. I didn’t only fight God for years, I fought her too. The easiest explanation of offering up your pain for someone else goes kind of like this: Basically you say to God, “Hey man this sucks. This cross you have given to me feels like 8 trillion pounds, but although it blows I know if you gave it to me it’s because I can handle it. I know there are people who have their own crosses that are way worse, and I’dl ike to use my pain to ease theirs.” Hopefully that is a good explanation hahaha. Two people came to mind as I was saying this. One of my friends is pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. She was the first person I thought of, and I also thought of my good friend Hannah. She is like my little sister, yet much wiser, and smarter than I was at 24 hahaha. Our life stories are very similar,and I know at times she is lonely too, and wants to meet a good man. This led me to think of her, too. I wouldn’t wish this loneliness on anyone. MotherTheresa said, “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Naturally, those were my two requests.  Help my friend have a flawless pregnancy, and make sure Hannah wasn’t lonely. Now it’s not magic. Nothing about God is magic!! We often treat him like Santa Claus, or a magic eight ball, but that is just not the case. He can operate as fast as light, or as slow as a turtle. His timing and his ways can make absolute no sense LOL. When I got out of church I texted Hannah, and she said “I was just thinking about you.” Telepathic? Energy? Or God? You can decide. As the day went on, I felt better. That night I was talking to my sister about the blog, and she said something in regards to it making her sad, and of course I responded in typical Reenie fashion. I was like, “F*%# NOOOOO I don’t want anyone to be sad for me!!! Does it make you laugh?” She said, “Yes I laugh. You always manage to make people laugh in the worst times in life, so I imagine you have always done that for yourself.” That is part of my fear with sharing my story, and my friend Melisa actually helped me realize that. I do not want anyone to feel bad for me or to think I am a victim. My sister just loves me deeply, and cannot understand why I am not married. She really wants me to find someone as weird as myself!

Okay, this is where we get to celebrate a win from last Sunday. The win is this: In the midst of my deepest pain, and what feels like my heaviest cross, I still have HOPE. I don’t think I am doomed to a life of loneliness, and my pain no longer makes me doubt God! I don’t question him. Well sometimes I look up, and say “I don’t get it.” Then I quickly follow it with, “Who am I to question you?” Just recently, my mom said one of the coolest things to me, I loved it so much that I stole it, and now I see how it can be used in various situations. I asked her if she thought I would be single forever, and she responded "Just for now, not forever." Ladies (and gents, don’t want to be bias haha), if you are navigating through a tough time or something uncomfortable, I want you to know it is just for now, not forever.

As you are the pilot of your own hard days, I encourage you to look further into why you are feeling this way. Maybe you feel lost because you are doing something that is risky, uncomfortable, or maybe your cross just feels way too heavy that particular day…Please know that the devil often preys on our weaknesses. He wants you to be full of self-doubt, he wants you to go down the rabbit hole. Why? Well, then you are more vulnerable to give in to things that you think will make you feel better. Whether that is alcohol, emotional eating, shopping, etc. He now has you right where he wants you, these are all quick fixes, and eventually they will bring you back to square one. We must rise on these tough days. We must fight on these days. You must stay mentally and emotionally strong on these days. Celebrate your small wins. Maybe you win by staying hopeful. Maybe you win by being patient or kind to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Do whatever it takes. Make your “Get Happy Again” list! If you need to cry, then cry, but don’t give up, and don’t let the bad day or the sadness consume you.

I hope you can forgive me for hitting pause on my story to post this entry, but the lessons here felt far too important to push off until a later date. Honestly, I get really excited to share the healing part of my journey with everyone, and I am still figuring out how to sort through everything in my mind, and get it on paper. Sometimes I say, “Okay hold onto this for later, and stick to the timeline”, but when something weighs heavy on my heart, I have to go with that feeling, and share it.

This week I challenge you to make your list. I also challenge you on your next bad day to think of someone who may also be experiencing something similar or even worse than you. Think of them, and offer up your pain to ease their pain. I promise you it somehow works.

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“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”  - Rumi

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To Be Continued……

All My Love,

Reenie

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To Be Continued……

All My Love,

Reenie

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