April 27, 2021
Live. Laugh. Love
This is my first blog of 2021. It has been almost a full year since I posted a blog. I am working on igniting a fire under my ass. Shredz once said “Whatever you do don’t stop writing.” I clearly took that advice to heart (insert hand on face emoji.)
I am going to start this off by saying I love men!! I really do. They have so many great qualities, and I find them fascinating. I have many great men in my life. I am simply not a man hater and need to start this off by clarifying that. Men, and women alike both come with their own issues, and contribute equally to making a relationship healthy. I personally cannot stand the male bashing culture. I don’t see how it contributes positively to society in any way.
One thing I wished I realized when I was younger is that men have feelings too. I think I always viewed them as feelingless creatures. If you are in a healthy relationship make sure to let your significant other know how much you appreciate them! I feel so much joy when I see and hear about happy couples. It gives me hope for myself, and for the children in this world. Children often mimic what they see, and to know they are witnessing real love,and stability gives me a sense of peace.
Unfortunately, not every relationship is healthy, and sometimes we have to go through one or many unhealthy relationships to learn what is in fact “good for us.” Knowing yourself and being extremely self-aware can really help you determine what your needs are, and how you communicate. Effective communication is necessary in every relationship. You should never have to guess what someone is thinking and feeling, and you should never expect someone to know what you are thinking or feeling. One of my pet peeves is when a person doesn’t say what they mean. I always tell my girlfriends you can only be mad at your man if you tell him what your needs are, and then he ignores them. Joe always says, “The only way anyone will know how you feel is if you tell them.” Stop expecting people to guess how you feel.
A relationship that comes from God will come with peace, and not confusion. You will not have to force anything. It will unfold naturally, and you will have confidence both in yourself, and the relationship. You will have peace in your heart, and clarity in your mind. There will not be games.
This blog is simply my opinion, but I think we are living through a time when society is broken. I guess it depends on what you are looking for, but if you tend to have more traditional values, and morals finding the right person for you may be a bit of an uphill battle. Marriage doesn’t seem to be held in the highest regard anymore. “It’s just a piece of paper.” This may come as a shock, but I think marriage is so beautiful!! I do not think it’s easy by any means, but the thought of being with one man makes me happy. Despite my dating history, which would lead you to believe I have commitment issues LOL. I really want to get married. I will just not settle because like I mentioned marriage is hard. I dated two different guys that tried to tell me I was scared of commitment when I broke up with them. Dear God, I hate when guys pull that shit. That is such an egotistical comment. Sure, I fear commitment to the WRONG person. I am thirty-nine and I simply won’t settle in any area of my life. I have high standards for myself, and I hold those same standards for the man I marry. I mean if that ever happens hahaha.
Ladies if you want commitment, we must take our time to know a man before we decide that he is worth our hearts, time, body and soul. There should be no rush. It is hard to group all men in the same category, because there will always be outliers, but most men are natural born hunters. I am not saying to play games, but don’t change your whole world to revolve around them. Continue to chase your dreams, and work on your own goals. Don’t lose yourself or ditch your friends once you start dating a guy you like. That is just a recipe for disaster.
A few years ago, I ran into Rob at the gym. We went outside to chat and catch up on life. He had just started dating his current wife, and I was in a typical Reenie “situation.” My “situations” often make me cringe LOL. I started telling Rob about this guy I was “dealing” with. He gave me some pretty solid advice. It was something I was already well aware of but needed a gentle reminder. Having it brought to my attention by a male especially one who had pursued me pretty hard since day one, had an even more profound impact. Rob said “Just remember Griesser any man who really wants you will be on your doorstep. Nothing will be able to stop him.” He was right and is right. Ladies if a man wants you, he will tell you, and show you. Don’t deal with the half-ass anything and also don’t be the person who doesn’t communicate clearly. We too owe it to those we are dating or in a relationship with the kindness, decency and respect. Time is precious and shouldn’t be wasted. I was that asshole for way too long. I know I have mentioned this before, but I use to suck at communicating. Don’t be me!! I don’t want to get too far off topic, but I once texted a guy I was dating for his email address so I could break up with him on email!!!
I would also like to say you can handle things however you want. Once you communicate clearly with the person you are dating please know you are not immature or a bad person if deleting and blocking someone helps your mental state. I am the queen of blocking. It is a running joke with my friends. It just feels like a clean slate in my head, and I love that. It gives me my peace back, and you deserve that mental clarity and peace. Any time one of my friends was/is upset after a break up I would make her say out loud “He’s such a loser!” I do this myself too. It may sound mean, but I’m telling you it works!!I am not saying he is a terrible person, but he is in fact a loser because he lost YOU. You must believe you hold enough value that if a man doesn’t choose you that is in fact his loss. The mind is powerful, and we can either use it to our advantage, or our demise. You must also choose him. Don’t be with a man just because he chooses you.
I chose to write about this topic because I want you ladies to hold your value so high that you will protect your heart and hold it in a special place until you find the man that has strong enough hands to hold it without breaking it. Even at thirty-nine and single I believe good men exist! There will always be bad apples in every bunch, and sometimes there will be good apples that we just are not meant to be with for the long haul. Each date, each interaction, each relationship brings many lessons with it, and can be used for self-improvement and improvement in future relationships.
This is a subject that is really important to me, and I truly believe I can use all my experiences to help other women. When you really, and truly love yourself you won’t put up with anything less than you deserve and the fear of being alone will dissipate. There is no worse feeling than feeling alone when you’re in a relationship.
This week I challenge us all to evaluate where we are at in terms of communication. Can you be better at it, and if so I challenge you to write down three steps you can implement to make how you feel known to others.
“Make sure of this one thing: that the person you choose to stay with is someone you do not have to shrink yourself for, cut yourself into smaller pieces for, minimize yourself for. Do not ever, ever, ever stay with someone for whom you need to be less than! The person who is meant for you will call you into higher parts of yourself, encouraging you to rise, to soar higher.” C. Joybell