February 3, 2020
Live. Laugh. Love
As I reflect back on my previous post about self-doubt has made me want to clarify that during my career I have had moments of self-doubt, but nothing that crippled me from moving forward. The only distinct moment I can remember giving in to a negative thought revolving around my career was when I thought to myself “This job is too good to be true.” How many times in life do we decide that something is “Too good to be true?” I am not saying one should be delusional by any means, but I do believe deciding something is “Too good to be true” can rob us of happiness, and force us into a self-defeating attitude. As good things come our way, it is our job to feed ourselves with positive affirmations. We must tell ourselves that we do indeed deserve these good things. This could be the job you always wanted, the relationship you always wanted, the baby your heart has desired, and so on. As you live your life, and are blessed with good things and good relationships, you should simply live in a state of gratitude. As you take the time to heal, and truly find self-love, you may look back and realize that it was a lack of self-love that led you to stay at that stagnant job, or remain a part of that toxic relationship. Loving yourself may lead you to better choices and a better path. As your mentality changes don’t be surprised if you lose many people along the way. The path to betterment can often lead us into isolation. There is one thing that I can promise you, and that is that the isolation will be temporary. It may be hard to lose certain relationships, but the universe will guide you to the people you are meant to have in your life. Deciding to hang on to anything that isn’t good for your soul, will only lead to more pain. You must decide that you do in fact deserve all the good that comes your way. The sad reality is that pain is often comfortable. You may be asking yourself “What does she mean?” Think about how often people go back to those that hurt them the most. Obviously, if you are married or even more importantly, married with children the choice to leave a toxic relationship is extremely difficult, but look around at how many people are not married, yet stay with people who are not best for them. I can talk about this at great length because I have done it not once, not twice, but three times. The third time was a bit more complicated, but we will get to that later. Toxic relationships are not only romantic, but there are friendships,and even toxic family members. If you have already begun your journey to real self-love you will begin to realize what a healthy relationship looks like. At this point, I must explain my own mistakes. I have already mentioned that at one time in my life I was an absolute shitty communicator. This is a terrible trait, and fixing this is something that I am most proud. When I started my journey to get where I am today, I didn’t really have the tools to fix certain relationships. When I started to feel as though a friendship was toxic, I just eliminated the person from my life. It wasn’t as though I didn’t give people a second or even third chance, but there were times I could have communicated in a clearer manner. I would let the hurtful comments, or behaviors stack up in my heart and mind, and then I would just put an axe to the relationship. I will say this… if you have people in your life who are not truly happy to see you happy, thriving, and succeeding, then they are not your people. This may seem like a strange example, but have you ever had exposure to an unhealthy couple? One of the partners decides they want to begin their journey to become healthy. Let’s use the woman as an example. She decides to eat healthy, and exercise. She loses some weight, and feels energetic. Now she starts to look better, but more importantly she starts to feel better. She is happier and more confident. She buys new clothes, and people start to comment how great she looks. Her man starts getting jealous. He tries to tear her down because her new confidence makes him feel inadequate. Let’s stop here and look at his behavior. This is his own insecurities and unhappiness that he is projecting onto this woman he loves. He is supposed to love her no matter the circumstance, right? Well this does not look like love, and I can guarantee it doesn’t feel like love. This is just an example, but stuff like this happens all of the time. How often do we hear “You’ve changed,” when you start putting yourself first. Now take a long, hard look at the people telling you that “You’ve changed.” Why can’t they see that you have changed for the better? More than likely, your new, and improved self makes them uncomfortable and the reason they feel “you’ve changed” is because you no longer are the person in which they can take advantage. I hate to say it, but not everyone enjoys relationships that make them level the “F” up. Some people enjoy being comfortable or feeling like they have the “upper hand,” in a relationship. Real love will love you consistently, whether that be through the bad or the amazing change you are to endure, and love will cheer you on as you begin to grow into the person you were meant to be.
I do think if we all decided to show up in our relationships/friendships seeking to understand the other person versus always wanting to be understood, we would be a lot happier. I commend you if you do this, and I don’t blame you if you walk away from those that don’t do this for you. The truth is we can only try so hard and we can only deal out so many passes. We weren’t meant to be friends with everyone. I’m sure that some that have followed this blog are probably asking “Aren’t you a Christian, Reenie?” Well thank you for asking, and yes I am LOL, but don’t get it twisted that forgiveness is the same thing as allowing yourself to be a punching bag. You can forgive from a distance and you can forgive a person who isn’t even sorry. Yes, as Christians we are told to forgive all the time. Yes, if you are a Christian do this, but don’t for one second think this means take abuse in any form. God can certainly see the whole picture, and he knows the difference between forgiveness and stupidity hahaha. When I say “stupidity” I am referring to my own silly mistakes. If you are around my age (38) you may remember that green sticker (Mr. Yuk) we brought home in middle school that went on the poisonous substances around the house?? It is too bad that we cannot throw those stickers on human beings hahaha. Warning! Warning! Toxic person coming your way. I am obviously just joking as we all have an ability to change, but it takes a strong person that will decide to do so.
Once again I have ended the blog rather abruptly, and Shredz has already reached out to me asking what I am doing LOL. I love her text messages because they make me LOL. “Wait is this how it ends?” Yep!! I get the prize for consistency!
This week I challenge us to see how we can contribute positively in our relationships. Let us each put our very best foot forward, and remember it takes two to tango!!
“Don’t ask why people keep hurting you. Ask yourself why you keep allowing it to happen.” -Robert Tew
To Be Continued……
All My Love,
Reenie