Don't Be an Option

There are so many topics when it comes to dating, and relationships that it seems only fair to post about one at a time. If I attacked them all at once this blog post would be 789 pages LOL. I love women so much that it makes my heart hurt to think that any woman will ever settle for less than she deserves. I have had so many of my own cringe worthy moments that I feel like I have gained enough wisdom to speak freely on this topic. There have been plenty of people in my life who have commented that they simply cannot see me putting up with much bull shit from men, but for many years I did. Sure, it’s embarrassing, but for the sake of full transparency,and knowing this may help even one woman I will share it all. I have touched on some of these moments in previous blogs so if your curiosity is peaked, and you have the time to read then you can scroll back to the beginning and start with my very first post.

I am thirty-nine and single so take this for what it’s worth lol. Maybe you’d rather not listen to this single old lady haha. Ok so one thing that is insanely difficult for me to hear, and actually sounds like nails on a chalkboard is when women make excuses for a man’s poor behavior. I know you may like to think men are complicated, but truth be told they are pretty simple creatures. If they want something they will go after it. Sure, at times they may fear rejection, but there isn’t a man I know that if given even the slightest inkling that they have a fighting chance they will pursue a woman they truly want. So that said if a man only wants you on his terms then sorry sister, but you’re an option. It just means you aren’t important enough for him to make you a priority. If a man values you, and what you bring to the table he will offer clarity, and not confusion. Now I am notttt saying he has to marry you or want you to be in a committed relationship after like a week so don’t go all nuts on me hahaha. All I am saying is that we make people a priority when we value them, and yes you can definitely value someone and see what they offer from the start. We all make time for the things, and people who matter to us. I am a complete nut when it comes to respect. This is something I learned about myself with age. I cannot stand when someone says they are going to do something and then they don’t. For example, if you tell my friend that you’d like to take her to dinner, and then you cancel on her I will not be happy. Sure, life happens, and things pop up, and at times we will need to cancel, but if it happens more than once it’s not life it’s that you don’t respect her, and her time and I am sorry but that infuriates me. There is no late-night booty call or even late night anything at a certain age, not for most self-respecting women. Hey if that’s your thing then seriously no judgment here, but if you are a woman trying to find a decent man to spend your life with please don’t be his option.

Ok I am going to rewind to a few years ago. My sister is going to read this and know exactly whom I am talking about, and I love knowing she will most likely die laughing. My sister and my nieces really enjoy my dating stories, and the fact that I make up nicknames for almost every guy. Sarah (my twelve-year-old niece) loves the story about “tiny thumbs.” I am sorry but if you cannot laugh at almost every cringe moment in your life what is even the reason for living. I am totally kidding, but this is simply who I have become. Every minute sad is a minute wasted.

We women do not cry over spilt milk, or idiot guys. Well you can cry for a day, or if you have PMS but after that it’s onward, and upward. I digress. A few years ago, I was talking to a couple of guys. Yes, as in more than one. I was trying to figure things out in my crazy brain, because honestly, I am not good at the whole “multiples.” I promised full transparency, which I am regretting that promise because when you put something out on the World Wide Web anyone, and I mean anyone can read it. Yikes! So, I wanted to know where I stood with this one guy. Not because I wanted to marry him, or even be in a relationship with him but I wanted to know if he liked me. I wanted to know, because I don’t have a lot of time and I wanted to see if I was going to spend time putting effort in getting to know him. I almost wrote waste time lol, but that sounds harsh because in actuality nothing is really a waste if you find the lesson in it. I love learning, and I am still constantly learning about myself, so I don’t see any human interaction as a waste nowadays. I am also not here to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I am always going to share my story, and thoughts if it means helping other women. I will sacrifice myself for you all LOL. After spending a day with this guy, I felt more confused than ever, and I was so annoyed. I am that person who is so incredibly good with black and white. You like me cool. You don’t like me cool. You are confusing me so NOT cool. When I got back home, I was so over his flirtatious behavior, but lack of clarity he was providing that I just came out and asked. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I do remember what he said because it’s how he got his nickname and why my sister, nieces and I still to this day laugh so much. I like to think I am a good storyteller, but maybe they are just a great audience. I am very private when it comes to dating believe it or not. Only my family knows this particular story. His exact words, “Just be a kite in the wind.” I think to him I said “ok.” That was that and I cut him off in my brain as anything more than a friend. It was all I needed to hear. What I said to my sister and my nieces was, “This guy is a freaking idiot. He is acting like I wanted to be in a relationship with him. I just wanted to know how I should split up my time lol. I will be a kite in the wind and fly right the hell away from him. It’s his loss. Reenie out.” I got the clarity I needed,and that was the beginning of the story we shall call Kite hahaha. Mixed signals are an automatic let go for me. It is too exhausting dealing with the“Marry Me” texts one second then the dead silence for God knows how long. Yes. That happened, but hey women are the crazy ones right?

I don’t hate Kite. He is a nice guy, but just not the guy for me. I am still friends with him, and actually have been giving him dating advice for years lol. Maturity is not taking a man’s decision not to pursue you personally. His loss! Am I right ladies? My sister always says, “I can’t figure out why you aren’t married. You’re fun, and funny and pretty.” I always say, “Do go on.” LOL jk I don’t say that, but I am not married because I have standards, and I will NOT settle. I know the type of MAN I want to be with does exist.

I am not a person who believes in “the one,” but I do believe in the “right one.” This “right one” may be for a few months, a few years, or forever. When you meet one of the “right ones” I promise you will have clarity, and not confusion. You won’t wonder how the man feels or feel like you are being played. Any time I was with the right guy, which for me was just for that time period in my life, I never had to wonder if he really liked me, because each one always pursued me, and made it perfectly clear how he felt. I didn’t even need to ask. Honestly after that event a few years ago I won’t ever ask for clarity again, because no clarity is simply my answer. That is the beautiful part about life we go through these silly, stupid moments but if we are smart,we can look at every situation and find a great lesson. No clarity will always equal clarity!! Now repeat that after me.

I am constantly telling my younger girl friends who do all the right things with men how proud I am of them! I can’t help but just cheer them on because I do not want them to make the same silly mistakes that I once made. Hey, I am the first to admit how dumb I was about SO many things, but in the typical, optimistic, Reenie fashion I don’t regret it if it means I can help my nieces, or any other woman who needs it.

A good man will communicate clearly, and make his intentions known. He also won’t dick you around, and he won’t act like you’re a bat and only try to see you late at night! If we wanted to date Batman, I think we can all agree we’d hold out for Christian Bale hahaha. The right man will provide you with the things YOU need, and you will provide him with the things he needs. It’s not a game of who gives more, and who gives less. When you meet the right man, you will want to give him your all, and he will want to give you his all. He will treat you like a queen because my dear you are one! Trust me it is better to be single, and alone at 39 then to end up in a relationship and feeling alone. I know so many people in unhappy situations, and I can tell you that being single can be absolutely beautiful. If I haven’t given up hope for myself to meet a fabulous man, then you shouldn’t either. Live your life! Travel, start a business, dream big, read, write, find your passions, learn about yourself, take the time to heal. Pray for what you need, not what you want! Follow your intuition! Don’t settle, and if you need me you know that I am here.

My inspiration for this entire blog was because I love women, and if I could help even one avoid any pain it would be well worth it. I wanted to take you on my journey of self-love that brought me to my knees, but as God helped me stand again it was him alone that now held my worth. Don’t let any man’s confusion make you question your worth. Your worth should lie in the hands of God alone. I promise that any rejection is his protection. If you see it this way you will always have peace.

I challenge us to always expect clarity in our relationships, and if you get none then let them go.

“I am allowed to raise my standards and ask for more than I’ve experienced in the past.” Jenn Funk

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All My Love,

Reenie

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