A Whole New World

I personally believe the world runs on energy, vibrations, and love. I guess if I had to explain what  makes up our “soul” it would be the combination of all of those. I always knew I would be involved in medicine, but one thing I haven’t told many people was that when I was younger, I often saw myself on a plane in business clothes and wearing scrubs. I couldn’t make sense of it at the time because I didn’t even know that medical sales existed. Years later, this was the exact life I would start living.

Ever since I was little I had an obsession with wanting to fly. I was never in an airport, or on a plane until my freshman year of high school. As you can probably tell by now, my dad wasn’t throwing cash around for vacations lol. My first flying experience was awesome because I did it alone. My family had taken our normal trip to South Bend, Indiana to visit family friends. I was invited to stay an extra week, so I had to fly to get home. My flight connected in Pittsburgh, and I just remember feeling so independent and free as I navigated through this large airport. This would be my first of many flights alone.

After I was hired at KLS Martin, I had to fly down to Jacksonville, FL for training. I was in my hotel room, feeling high on life, and ready for this new chapter. That night, I would receive an email from Eric apologizing for being a total D. He told me he would always love me (insert eyeroll.) I don’t even know if I responded, but all I do remember is that I was finally free of the toxic men in my life and had no desire to jump into another relationship anytime soon. I was ready to immerse myself in my new career. I trained for a week straight in FL. My first surgery was scheduled the following week. I was selling a sternal closure device and supporting physicians while they implanted it. In 2010, the only way you could have certain areas of your heart operated on was to have them use a sternal saw to get through the bone that joins your rib cage. Sounds gruesome, but damn… open heart surgery is exhilarating. I will never forget the first heart I saw beating in a person’s chest. There it was, this organ that beats repeatedly, to keep you alive. Depending on how long you live it will beat approximately one billion times without relying on anything. It is an involuntary muscle that runs on an electrical system. It is fascinating. The first surgery where I supported this device did not run very smoothly. I was fresh out of training and being the extremely punctual human being that I am, I arrived an hour early. I was meeting the local rep and my manager at the hospital. Well, the surgery was about to start, and they were no where to be found. I am not sure what I would’ve done if I wasn’t an experienced OR nurse, who just happened to have a lot of confidence. I knew the difference between the confident reps, and the ones who were just here for the money. It is hard to explain, but the Operating Room runs on energy. If I lacked confidence, the surgeon and nurses would have known. If you walk into a stressful surgery you can feel it. Not everyone can feel it, but for those of us who are meant to work there… we can. You can be joking, laughing, and then shit hits the fan, and everyone goes on auto pilot.The adrenaline is insane, and truth be told, I love it. I am probably a slight adrenaline junkie. As I stood up at the head of the table directing the surgeon how to get the device in, I remember thinking I cannot believe I am doing this alone on my first day. Finally the rep, and my manager decided to join me. When the procedure wrapped up and we gathered in the lobby, I definitely let them know how I felt. I shouldn’t have been alone that day, but it did make me realize that I was meant to do this. Medical Sales is often looked at as a glamorous life, but the reality is that it can be pretty cutthroat. Depending on which device you sell, and what company you work for, it can be extremely time consuming, and you always have responsibility for someone else’s life. I have always loved working, and at a time in my life when I was so focused on other people (men,) it was refreshing to now give most of my attention to something else.

I mentioned earlier that my territory covered VA to Canada. I worked alongside twelve reps. Eleven of the twelve were men. I had only ever worked in one hospital, and it was so exciting to see how other hospitals and heart surgeons operated. It was also fun getting to know all the reps, and hear their stories. I was really entering into a whole new world. I met so many people every single day, and it was as though I was seeing everything for the first time. I would soon realize how big the world really is, and how small I was in it. We live in a world of approximately seven billion people, yet at times we allow one individual to make us feel like we are worthless?

After I wrote the above paragraph I had walked away from my computer all the while planning on picking it back up after church on Sunday. With that said, here I am back at Starbucks. I want to continue the above entry, but I have to hit pause to reflect on the events of today. I think after I share what just happened I will be able to tie it all together. Most people have probably heard a religious or spiritual person in their life say, “We are all made in the image, and likeness of God.” I think about this a lot. I mean, if we all have a sense of humor, and enjoy laughing, then God must exhibit these qualities as well…right? This is where I can honestly say that God himself 100% has a sense of humor. I see it all the time, and this is one for the books or should we say blog. The homily at church today was all about forgiveness. There have been a few people who have done and said some pretty hurtful things about me, my loved ones, and friends. One was Rob’s aunt, who made some pretty sad, and hurtful comments about my dad, and friends at our engagement party, and another one is obviously Eric. Rob’s aunt sat in front of me at church today. I don’t see her there often or maybe even ever. During the homily, I began to reflect on the comments she had made in the past. I will never forget the things that she said at the engagement party. I thought to myself, God has forgiven me for so many terrible things, and I am sure if I brought it to her attention she would most likely be sorry, but in that moment I said to God, “I  truly do forgive her.” I have seen his aunt numerous times (just not in church) since that engagement party, and I never felt any hate towards her, and I was always very cordial, but maybe today was God’s way of saying let’s forgive her once and for all.  However, this is where things get even more interesting or humorous, as I tend to laugh at everything. There are a few Starbucks I could go to before going to the gym today, but I chose this one, and as I walked through the door out of the corner of my eye I spot Eric!! Of course, I did what most normal people would do, and pretend not to see him hahaha. He came over, and said hi. He asked me what I was up to, and I was laughing in my head. It would have been great if I could have been honest and said, “Well I am here to blog about you.” I mean that’s the truth, but of course I lied and said I was here to do work. Talk about a plot twist. Every time I plan to blog I do not force it. I never write the entire entry in one sitting, and I always ask God to guide me as I write. Let’s take-a-look back at the first paragraph of this week’s entry. Do you believe in manifestation? I do. Perhaps after devoting so much time, and energy towards him as I began the blog, I was bound to see him. Maybe this is God’s way of saying keep putting out positive energy, and find the strength to keep forgiving as I have forgiven you. That’s the problem with anger, and negative energy, all they do is continue to manifest more negativity, and more anger. The closer I have become to God, the more I see him everywhere, in every situation, and in every person. It wasn’t easy to sit here, and continue to type staring at the back of someone who has been an intimate part of my story, and a big part of my pain. I did what any normal girl would do, and texted a few of my close friends. I couldn’t leave like I wanted to, and I think it was meant to be. I sat tight and planned on leaving in thirty minutes. After about thirty minutes he packed up his stuff. He came over to say goodbye, and as I watched him walk away, I felt so much peace, and to be honest, forgiveness.

I must say, God certainly works in mysterious ways. This hasn’t been the easiest entry for me to write. I wasn’t prepared at all for today’s events. Truth be told, I was caught completely off guard. That is the thing with God though, He is always teaching us, accepting us, leading us, and most importantly loving us.

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This week I challenge us all to “Let Go, and Let God.” If you don’t believe in God that is A Ok. Just “Let go, and let the universe guide you.”

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, soas to have the life that is waiting for us.” -Joseph Campbell

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‍To Be Continued……

All My Love,

Reenie

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